Impressive Idiots Award - Jan.2022

January's Impressive Idiot Award goes to... Drumroll Please... Dr. Simon Bramhall.

Who the fuck is that? Well, he's a surgeon-turned-criminal and an idiot, of course. But let me tell you how this man has impressed me so much that I had to create this award for him!

Imagine this scenario, You're a renowned surgeon, with a British accent, in an operating room filled with doctors, nurses, and techs, during an intense liver transplant surgery. You slice open the patient's body and remove the damaged organ right as the new one arrives on a tray of ice. You pick up the new liver and gently place it into the cavity and begin suturing up all the connections between major blood vessels. The liver comes back to life and fills with blood, and as it attempts to adapt to its new body, you stand there for a minute and think about the incredible art/work you just performed. So, as you're closing up the patient, you pick up you argon beam coagulator and proudly brand your initials onto the liver with finesse - as a finishing touch.

This is exactly what ex-doctor Simon Bramhall did back in 2013, not once, but twice. Now, this man could have gotten away with a lot more than 2 autographed livers, but he got caught, in 2014, when his second patient's liver (transplanted from a crash victim) began rejecting in her body and she went in for an emergency surgery. The emergency surgeon reported the initials S.B. carved into the surface of the patient's liver and as a result, Simon was suspended from practicing medicine and resigned from his position. In January 2022, he lost his medical license in the UK.

Now, I completely disagree with this! The man can still perform a successful liver transplant, and is highly qualified with his experience, and has saved so many lives! He may have creeped out his patients quite a bit when they found out that he had violated and autographed their insides. But, his actions didn't cause any real harm to the liver, or the patient in the short-term or long-term. In fact, the patient would have never even known if the initials had time to heal such as other marks made by the coagulator would have in time. And honestly the Doc got nothing out of it for himself, except maybe a secret satisfaction that his name was on someone's liver. If a painter can sign their paintings, a surgeon can sign the organs they transplanted, damnit!

I'd even go as far to call this an innovating technique! Technically and practically speaking, leaving a signature on peoples' internal organs could help other surgeons later identify who had performed prior surgeries without having to track down medical records and shit! To me, that's time saving, and effective branding (pun intended - hahaha!). It's going to be a perfectly legal thing of the future I tell you, just wait and see... Kind of like how pets get microchipped for identification purposes, people will probably have something similar in the future. I think the man was onto something here.

Medical school and becoming a doctor is not an easy feat, I know, trust me, I attempted it. This man was clearly close to genius level in IQ, and was successful, competent, disciplined and accomplished quite a bit in his life. It is so incredible to me how elegantly this man destroyed his own life. Having done hundreds of liver transplants, the former Dr. Simon Bramhall is one of the most impressive idiots I've ever heard of. He ruined his lifetime of achievements, entire career, and credibility with just one stupid action - now that's a special kind of talent. But come on, every man in his 50s goes through a midlife crisis - he just signed a couple of livers!

Personally, If he had done this to me, I wouldn't have minded because, damn, the man saved my life! I'd be honored to have his signature on my liver! If you have a problem with people signing your insides, then turn down everything but local anesthesia during surgeries and just stay awake, so you can make sure there's no funny business during the process. It's not like he left a glove, towel, tool, or business card inside... ungrateful patients.

I just can't help but admire this man that considers his work so masterful that he needed to initial it like fucking Picasso. Unfortunately, as of January 12th, Simon Bramhall has been convicted guilty with 2 counts of assault and is no longer allowed to be a Doctor in the UK, and I'm assuming the rest of the world too - since we all know about him and his sneaky and slightly creepy ways.

Who knows? He could have been the next Dr. Hannibal Lector - no one took his medical license away for eating people's organs! Ok Dr. Lector was fictional, but his character was based off of a real Dr. Alfredo Balli Trevino - who also continued to practice medicine after committing intentional, planned murder! He even has a pasta sauce named after him! Dr. Bramhall, you're still a doctor in my eyes sir, you can transplant and autograph my internal organs anytime!